28-1-2002

Why Marry ?

Yep thats me, soon to be 30. I'm still single but never lonely. Who me lonely? Please why should I be? Got my friends, and family; and a man always at my side pleasing me, so why marry.Maybe its because I can't seem to settle down with anyone, maybe I haven't met the right man for me. Yes still searching, searching but not desperate...... not me. Wake up everyday thankful to the almighty for giving me a body that's clean and healthy, Just pray to meet nice guys not idiots, they're not for me.

Been asked to marry but passed up the opportunity, wasn't sure he fit the profile of who my perfect man suppose to be. The perfect man who is he? Dam maybe he was in my life already and I just wasn't ready Mama sometimes say to me, you're getting older honey, need to think realistically Why change something that has been working fine for me just to please society. Nah thats not me!!

But what about financial stability and starting a family. Don't need money or Pinckney to make me happy, my lifestyle is supported by I and I only Love, what does this mean to me? This should come naturally but just never did for me What sometimes feels like love is a feeling most times misunderstood by many. It's sad but true and it may seem wrong to you but it's been working just fine for me. Maybe one day I'll fall in love and marry But in the mean time Ill continue setting my own rules to stay happy and not be bothered by how society views me.

Hey this is just my opinion so don't take it seriously Wouldn't this all be a big joke if I six months from now I'm married and expecting a baby.

9-12-2001

The Dreaded HIV Test

How many of you have dreaded going to your good old neighborhood doctor and having asked this question " So when was the last time you've had an HIV test ? "

Now you fumble unable to look this man/woman in the face and then say you've never had the guts to do so. Yep, if you're like many people who choose to run away from reality, and the last time you've been tested was for insurance purposes then this article is for you.

You sit and make up various reasons why you shouldn't get tested like," I feel great" or "I don't have AIDS " or "I play sports and never get tired " or "I'm afraid of needles" , or the ultimate "It can't possibly happen to me". Well darlings the big picture is that it's not all about YOU. Imagine feeling great for 10 years straight, having multiple or even one partner who you wish to spend the rest of your life with and then finding out you've had this disease for years now, do you understand how many lives you have affected or infected?

Yep it's about time we stopped being selfish, only thinking about ourselves and start taking responsibility for those who trust us with their lives. Most of us prefer living our lives and never finding out. I don't know about you, but my fear of having this test done wasn't about living with AIDS and getting sick if the results came back positive, I believe many people can live for a long time feeling and looking healthy. I didn't even fear my friends or family scorning me because I believe they would love me no matter what. Rather, it was the thought that I might never be able to bear children, get married , no longer have the freedom to fall in love without explaining my position or even having a normal sex life anymore, shit those factors scared the hell out of me. So we go through life like a bunch of cowards hoping we never get that dreaded call form any of our past lovers saying they've been tested positive or having to take the dam test for some reason we can't control.

I say we need to be more responsible for our actions, remembering that we are not only responsible for our lives but for those that we come into contact with. I firmly believe that there are benefits to taking this test; for example you can make long term plans for your health, you can start eating healthier and maintain an exercise program to live a healthy life for as long as your MIND permits you to. My friends never underestimate the healing power of your MIND it controls how you choose to deal with this issue, I've seen individuals who have had this disease for years without knowing and they look and feel healthy as ever but the minute they found out they've been tested positive they brake down and bring sicknesses upon themselves. This is where you must develop the power of your mind, instead of using it for negative purposes to deal with this you should use it to fight the dam disease and you do this by choosing to live a long healthy life, by believing that you can still earn a living and purchase your first home, car, boat, anything your heart desires and you also fight this by believing that you can still find someone to love you and receive love for who you are. Come on people wake up and start planning for your future, we can fight this and help others live in the process. And what about us who dread taking the test only to find out we were negative, this should help you make responsible choices in the future and avoid unnecessary stress.

Believe me the test isn't as bad as we fear and whatever the results we just have to continue living each day as it was our last, grateful for each breath of fresh air.